I know you:)

Luke 13:25-28
This is about the narrow gate: there are levels to your relationship with God , just like any relationship you have here. It takes interest, attraction , love , patience, endurance, faith etc. ask any couple that has been married  60-70 years or more, were there hard times , what does it take to make it last ? Love and  exceptance is proble at top of the list. The narrow gate is difficult. So difficult that Jesus said vs 24 many will seek  to enter and not be able. Let me give you a great example of this. I have ADHD . I have my quirks , to say the least. I am aware. Honestly as an adult now approaching 40 I can say this all my life I felt alone and in my own world. My brain is unique as everyone's is but I am made more aware of it every min of every day. I have a lot of ideas and solutions floating around in my head I just have a harder time getting it started. Therefore you become anxious fidgety restless and eventually angyry until you figure it out or get help. There is much more but I'm not going to get into all about me for a reason. Anyway I have finally after all these years have a understanding of me. For a most important reason , my son is exactly like me. I have been through a lot in life trying to get to this point in life that I love me. I understand God took his time in making me quirks and all it made me , me. I'm Angie no one else is all me. I have been miss diagnosed , over diagnosed , shamed , really sick physically from wrong meds to the point my thyroid was destroyed. I never fit perfect into one diagnosis so they gave me many in my life . But I'm not supposed to , no one really fits perfect to any diagnosis because God made us all different. But. Now all I got is what the world calls ADHD , what God calls Angie. And I am just bursting inside of the fact that God even took time to make me let alone as fearful and wonderful as I am. I appreciate my master. I appriciate his work. I no longer have a need to fix me. If I did I would be telling God basically , you didn't do good enough I'll finish now. I'm saying after years and years of asking God for help ang asking God what is not your work help me let it go. Now I'm left with Angie. And I'm ok with that. When I told my family and my husband ok guys this is what kinda explains me. This will help you understand me the most. They said ok and that was that. Well, that hurt. I never said anything but, it hurt ALOT. How could you raise me from birth or been married to me 16 years and not want to go further into my world? I found out , well I knew but just had to now face my son had ADHD. He is nine . I didn't want children because I didn't want them to have my genes , but I prayed and asked God please don't let them be like me. Well, God had other plans. He thought about Hunter when HE  made me. Who better to help Hunter than me????  Only Him. So just like Mary I gave Hunter to God. I knew from the second I was pregnant with both my kids I was not raising them alone . I asked God to let the Holy Spirit guide my steps. Anyway , when I taked to teachers theorists doctors finally came home and even though I have it I threw myself into studying everything I could on it. How to help him with school everything. I looked at my husband and my mom and said Hunter has this  gift too. They said ok and that was that. All the hurt surfaced again but more intense because Hunter is and innocent child.i took a deep breathe walked outside and said Jesus , you knew you were different too and had to feel alone. You sought comfort in God knowing your father knows you. And just like you , I let HIM show my how well HE knows me. Please Jesus now help me find comfort in knowing you and I know Hunter. I want to share this with someone . Back to Luke , many will seek the narrow gate and not be able too. I can't being to tell you how hard it's been to get to the narrow gate. When you try santan wakes up and takes notice. But , God is inside you and He does not loose. I decided, one day 5 years ago I had enough,. I stood in my kitchen repented said good by to this world as I knew it and relentlessly headed through that gate. Just like I did all my life trying to let God show me how I was made, just like I dove into learning everything I have to to help a Hunter. I looked at the gate 5 years ago and said I see your face Lord, I'm coming no matter what. I turned and said, Satan by the power of Jesus Christ in me, MOVE. You wil have to take my life to stop me now, and you don't get that say!!!!!!!!!!! You are only a bump in the road move! And I walked WALKED through that gate. I have spent every sec with a God in prayer time and study since. For no reason except , I want to know everything I can about HIM here while I'm on earth. I don't want to wait, I don't want to waste time. I don't want Hime to say as HE did in the rest of vs 25 when the master of the house rises up and shuts the door, and you begin to stand outside and knock and tell Jesus you know me we had dinner I told people about you. And Him say I don't know you.
Does my husband really know me????? Does my parents?????? Yes they know my quirks and accept and love me but do they know how my brain works? Do they know how I think. I understand Hunter I studied everything I could about childhood ADHD. When Kelly had stomach prob I read everything I could on intestines . When I sought healing in a God he lead me to a great theorist who help me really get me. During all the theopy. I found answers of why my mom is the way she is and my dad and  my husband. I really spent hours studying their traits. It made me love them and appriciate them and how intricate God is. It was healing. Their traits explain why they say ok and that is that and my traits explain why there is no ok to me. I have a desire to learn and find a answer.
I have had hundreds of people ready my blogs , my family and my husband never have. God is sooooo amazing. You see learning about Hunter and how to help him in school, I learned something that healed this all for me. With ADHD children they need to feel hear see to learn . It has to be visual  to make the the words understood. So God knows I have to see things and feel things to understand scripture. And I do. That's how I can explain it cause God lets me see and feel every scripture I learn. So I'm not mad at anyone they helped me Know a Gods words. Kelly once said to me he wanted a Devorese I remember the feeling I had , I said to Kelly ok and that was that. I felt he didn't really know me anyway. He never wanted to. He wanted a Devorese . He wanted to give up.he didn't want to go through the narrow gate and stick it out. He tried he seek to enter and will not be able. Wanted a Devorese wanted to quit. We can not ever grow content with our relationship with God. We must always always always want to learn more and look at each level and say I want more. What's next, we have to stand at the gate and say I see your face and I'm coming . No matter what. Look at the world as you know it and say you are not worth it you are a bump in the road. You have nothing to offer me. You no longer have chains on me. I love you Lord. I want you to know me. Show me all you know. Then just like vs30 they will come from all over the first will be last the last will be first. Vs 30 to me is what God showed me. Now all I know about my family and friends I want to shephard them to the gate first. I want them to enter . I want them to get to know God and let Him show them how he made them. Then I can go last . That's why I'm writing this I want you all to enter through the gate. Let God really know you let him show you how and why you are masterfully made. You are free to love others with pure concentrated love. It's agape. There is pure love after you ask God to filter out you. You have to take you out . When you learn to love yourself the way God made you as the child He made you and appriciate the time the master craftsmen put in you. You love you. There is no need to be anything to anyone. You are out all that's left is love for how God made them. Today a teacher and a doctor said Hunter May have ADHD . Hunter look at me and said  nervously" what does that mean mommy? " I looked at him and smiled and said , it means God really loves you Hunter . And he said, " Really" I told him yep. He loves you so much He gave you a special gift. Someday , you will see what it says in the bible come to life. You will see blessing and miracles for real. You will see mountains melt like wax before God. For real. And guess what , you don't have to feel alone because you got me. Hunter said ok and that was that.:)